I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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