Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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