This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Randomize
