Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
