Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize