Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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