All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
