i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
