she takes plan B like it's going out of style
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
