I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Randomize
