my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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