can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
