i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
