96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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