the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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