now i know why i became what i already was.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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