yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
