No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
