I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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