Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
