At least make sure they are 18
Why
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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