Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
