Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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