why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
