Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
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