I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
