He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
