last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
How does one acquire holy water?
Randomize
