she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
