I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize