I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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