Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
