oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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