Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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