? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
