my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
