So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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