Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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