if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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