I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
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