I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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