I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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