i just had sex bonerless
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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