That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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