Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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