can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
