I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
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I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
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The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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