i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
