i just made my gag reflex go away.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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