chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
