____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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