Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
