ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
