Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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