OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
