dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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