I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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