My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
