Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
