So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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