i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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