You're so nebulous sometimes
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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