ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
