Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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