well you can't waste a boner
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
