i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
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