Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
