I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize