It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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