he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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