I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
