i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
