I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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