he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
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