I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
