sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
