I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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