i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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