I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
You have to summon your inner elephant
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Floor bacon is actually really good
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
